“We all bought a town house together because we think society puts too much emphasis on fighting about money with your spouse and not enough on fighting about money with your friends.”... Read more »
Before closing arguments, the insomnia kicks in. Source link Read more »
“You know the rules—whoever hauls in the most cash gets to be the leader of the free world.” Source link Read more »
“The first rule of Moderate Republicans Club is ‘Never let on that you’re a moderate Republican.’ ” Source link Read more »
“On behalf of the alumni association, congratulations on graduating! Would you like to make a donation to your alma mater today?” Source link Read more »
“I know it’s crowded and noisy, but isn’t it fun to get out periodically?” Source link Read more »
“I’d invite you back, but my planet’s a mess.” Source link Read more »
“Kinda makes me feel small and insignificant, like I was the subject of a Kendrick Lamar diss track.” Source link Read more »