“As New Yorkers cast their ballots today, the current leader in the polls is a four-billion-B.T.U. air-conditioner.” Source link Read more »
“The protesters seem to be doing some sort of joyful synchronized dance. Is it time to call in the Marines?” Source link Read more »
“We’re seeing a lot of patients with these symptoms. Have you been normalizing copious amounts of insanity?” Source link Read more »
“Sure, baseball is boring, but if you learn how to keep score it’s also math.” Source link Read more »
“I’ve been giving this standing ovation since last year’s Cannes Film Festival.” Source link Read more »
“I feel incredibly lucky that I’m able to earn a living doing what I love.” Source link Read more »
“For too long, we’ve all suffered the bizarre and oppressive policies that I installed last week.” Source link Read more »
“You do realize that just because you stopped watching the news doesn’t mean it stopped happening.” Source link Read more »