“And then, on this one awful day of the year, they dress you up like an avocado or a pirate and laugh and laugh and laugh.” Source link Read more »
“We didn’t miss the northern lights—they’re right here on Facebook.” Source link Read more »
“At this time, we’d like to invite our passengers needing extra assistance in their political careers to board.” Source link Read more »
“This’ll never work—you’re the drink of the summer and I’m an autumnal classic.” Source link Read more »
“Oh, no, I don’t eat s’mores—I just correct people when they’re making them wrong.” Source link Read more »
“I’m so tired, I’ll be asleep the minute my head hits the pillow, then awake again every hour filled with existential dread.” Source link Read more »
“I think she wants you to reapply sunscreen.” Source link Read more »