“I’d invite you back, but my planet’s a mess.” Source link Read more »
“I’d like you to imagine my client as a family man and not a radioactive, city-stomping, enormous, mutated lizard.” Source link Read more »
“We’re not giving him a free pass to do whatever he wants—we’re buying him time so he can get elected and then do whatever he wants.” Source link Read more »
“In light of national and world events, we’ve repealed our no-crying-at-your-desk policy.” Source link Read more »
“I don’t mind them making effigies of us in chocolate, but biting off the ears is too much.” Source link Read more »
“Et tu, Brute? Et tu, Sam? Et tu, Zink of the Zinky-Dink Clan? Et tu, Nip-Nip and Nip-Nun? Et tu, et tu, everyone!” Source link Read more »
“You wouldn’t know it, but I’m manifesting spring with a seasonal pedicure.” Source link Read more »