“I can’t wait for it to be warm enough for them to want to go outside.” Source link Read more »
“You better open another bottle of wine—I’m about to start deducting household expenses.” Source link Read more »
“I want you to set up a super PAC for whoever this ‘None of These Candidates’ is. They just might be the future of the Party.” Source link Read more »
“I’d like to thank the four hundred people who somehow managed to secretly turn this conspiracy into a championship.” Source link Read more »
“You’re a stainless-steel-water-bottle kind of person, and I’m a Stanley-cup kind of person—I’m sorry, but it would never work.” Source link Read more »
“Unbelievable—another year without a message of peace and good will from planet Earth.” Source link Read more »
“On the plus side, you probably won’t need an umbrella today.” Source link Read more »